


Those war left

by SaltwaterAndShips



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: ?????, Angst, Because I imagine Thranduil is a lot older, Cute, F/M, Fluff, Legolas is also kinda weirdly possessive, My First Fanfic, Please Don't Hate Me, Romance, So Sorry about that, angsty fluff, but not really, but they're immortal sooo..., how large does the age gap between elves have to be before it's weird?, lots of sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 12:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3291011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltwaterAndShips/pseuds/SaltwaterAndShips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post battle of five armies, Tauriel and thranduil connect in ways they wouldn't have expected (And Legolas is jealous).  </p>
<p>- I was formerly known as Allthefandom, in case anyone is looking for me by that name.-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To survive the fall

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fic, so I hope it is okay :) comments would be very welcome, so that I may improve the quality of my work. :) also, I'm super terribly sorry if I update at really odd intervals or don't update for months at a time. I promise I'll always update eventually, but I'm just realising how little time I have to write and stuff. I'm not ignoring you, I promise! 
> 
> I do not own any of the names, places, characters or anything except the plot. I am merely a peasant playing with the work of Mr. J.R.R. Tolkien and Mr. Jackson.

He watched her from behind the decimated wall of what was once a house. _Why would she come back here?_  She shouldn't be here. He watches as she wanders into the middle of what was left of the docks the town was built on. Falling to her knees, he can only stare as the sorrow pours down her face. Her shoulders shake as she hiccups and chokes on her own pain, gasping for breath she wasn't sure she still wanted. She still wore the clothes she had worn during the battle, called the battle of five armies by many. They looked very much worse for wear, smeared in dirt and blood, peppered with small burn holes and scorch marks. The arm was completely ripped of the left side of her shirt, revealing the thin red lines scratched down her arm, intentionally done or not, he wasn't sure. They matched the deep cut still bleeding on her right cheek, dripping her too bright blood down to mingle with the mud covering all but where tears had cleaned a path.

Thranduil turned away from her to survey the landscape, to keep himself from falling into memory along with her. One of them needed to be able to get them out of there. Jagged and broken beams of wood stabbed up into the smoke blackened sky like knives, taunting the storm heavy clouds. The houses were all dust, save for a few walls that had somehow survived but provided no shelter from the cold. Wood and bricks were thrown everywhere, mixing withe the ash and snow. He suspected that before long whatever was holding up what was left of Laketown would soon let go and drop the whole thing into the water. At least then it would be quiet, for some of the rubble was still smoldering, popping with sparks and billowing poisonous smoke all over the land. The acrid scent matched the lingering odor of blood and orc, and the bodies that lay everywhere, most burned beyond recognition. 

And there were so many, broken, broken bodies. There were the bodies of women and children, men and animal. Death did not discriminate. Broken limbs were bent at odd angles and blood pooled in the dips of the earth. Some were missing limbs altogether, or had skin charred to nothing. These were the lucky ones, who had hopefully died quickly instead of being trapped in a burning building, unable to get out. His heart shattered at the sight of the trampled and bloody body of a little girl, still in her hand a homemade doll. Her blond hair and white dress were much too bright, garish against the dirt caked into both. Nothing deserved to be that bright after such death. She couldn't have been more that six summers old.

His eyes went straight back to Tauriel as she cried out.

"Why does it hurt so much?"

She was now sitting numbly on the cold ground, shivering as she stares at nothing. The memories held her firmly in their grasp. She was surrounded by them,  it was almost sadistic. The screaming and terror were not quick to let anyone go. She fails to notice as he walks over to her, draping his cloak over her trembling shoulders. She used to be so alert. He sat beside her before he answered. "Because it was real."

And he knew terribly well what she'd meant.  Why was sorrow so keen to be felt? Why did the innocent have to suffer and die? Why were THEY the ones left behind? Why couldn't they have saved more of them? Why, why, why? It was a never ending question. How were things ever going to be normal again, and what did normal mean now? What did anything mean now? They were questions he could not answer.

She turned her tear stained eyes to meet his cold blue ones. She couldn't find a single bit of remorse or pain in those unfailing eyes. He had seen war before, but did he not still care? Maybe things got easier after each time they happened. She wondered how many times she would have to witness it before she stopped caring, it must be nice if it didn't kill you first, and it was. it was killing her in the worst way possible. She stared until she could bear it no longer, burying her face into his chest. Her absently stroked her tangled hair as her sobbing became even more violent and ugly. He just held her and let himself break a little too. Eventually, too exhausted and dehydrated to cry, sleep overcame her. 

Tauriel awoke on the front of a horse, her face buried into its neck. Her eyes felt dry and itchy from having cried so much. She could feel where the salt had dried on her cheeks, along with the dirt and blood.  _I must look awful... Slowly she sat up, not wanting to hit whoever had the reins. The bouncing of its light canter made the throbbing in her head feel like white hot knives on the inside of her skull. Everything hurt. She grimaced._

__

     "I'm glad to see you awake, Mellon nin." Tauriel gave a start as the voice suddenly issued from behind her. An instant later she recognized the voice as belonging to the king.

__

"How do you feel?" She wasn't sure how to answer that. She felt everything, and yet, nothing. She felt dead, and at the same time wished she was. "I feel hollowed." And that was the only way she could explain it. She had woken up and felt nothing outside of physical sensation, no passion, no faith, no heat. Nothing. It felt like it took the effort of walking a thousand miles just to stay awake, and that scared her. She had always been ready to face things as they came, but now she was unsure if she even had the will to take down a giant spider. This didn't even begin to encompass how she felt, but it was the only thing that came close. It did not occur to her how informally she was addressing him, and he her, or how close they were to each other. His chest pressed into her back and his arms were wrapped around her sides to grip the reins. If she were in her right mind she would have found the quickest way out of the situation, or begged his forgiveness. Never in her life had she been so out of line, but it wasn't even a thought in her mind. She was too drained to do anything except sit.  

__

  Thranduil kept steering the horse in silence. Because Tauriel was not facing him, she didn't see the concerned look that graced his face the whole way back to Mirkwood. He spent this time trying to piece together her behavior and words, figure out how he could help her. She mourned in silence.  _She won't be okay for a very long time._

__


	2. Memories

When they reached the forest, it took them no longer that ten minutes to reach a small house in the middle of a glade.

It was a very small clearing, but it was far different from the rest of Mirkwood. It was unaffected by the fast growing sickness, which allowed diffused sunlight to break through the trees, giving it a very calm look. The light dusting of snow only made it look prettier.Even the trees looked healthier here than anywhere else, still had their green needles and sticky sap. It was like time had stopped in this one place, allowing it to flourish and grow while the rest of the forest rotted.

The house was very neat and trim, with a small front garden full of a great number of herbs and flowers and a small stable for the horse. She hadn't known he owned a smaller dwelling apart from the castle. She, however, did not blame him in the least. Many a times she had wanted to shirk her duties as captain and leave the guard to their own devices for a day. If being captain was sometimes hard, being the king of the realm had to be infinitely worse. She supposed this was where he went when he left Legolas in charge and disappeared for a day or two. It was a miracle the guard hadn't stumbled across it on one of their many hunting expeditions. Then again, maybe Thranduil purposely put it here out of the way as they would have no real reason to be out this far.

Reaching nearer the house, Thranduil helped Tauriel dismount. It wasn't because she actually needed the help, but she was still completely unresponsive. He was afraid she would either hurt herself or just stay in the same place if he didn't guide her. I t pained him to see her like this. _What happened to the proud leader? What happened to the Tauriel we all knew?_ He wondered.

This was so far out of her character that it was alarming. Even when she had been sad before, usually it came in the form of a raging river, passionate and merciless. Everything she had felt, she had felt with her entire being. Now? she looked almost as dead as the bodies in Laketown.

As he went to put the horse back in its stable, Tauriel managed to shuffle her way into the house and collapsed into a chair before the grief won over and once again consumed her. She thought of the destroyed lake town, and of the thirteen dwarves that had instigated everything, from the dragon attack to the war. She could hardly remember any of their names. 'Fili...Kili...Thorin...Nori?' It didn't matter. She wanted so badly to be angry, to break things and swear vengeance, but all she could feel was nothing.

Thinking back to the town, she couldn't help but remember the once clean waters, filled with the boats going to and fro. She remembered the small window boxes with little flowers and the butterflies that flew between them. She remembered the children, and their smiles and laughter games and happiness. It never ceased to make her smile when one of them ran up to her with endless questions about where she came from, or who she was. That had been one of her favorite things about running errands there. They would no longer play or laugh though, most lay dead or dying, the rest too scarred to ever be the same. She had seen enough of their bodies to know she was right. Tears began running from her already reddened eyes. She did not notice, even as they fell from her face and onto her clothing.

Finished with the horse, Thranduil fed it a carrot before making his way to the house as he contemplated the sleeping situation. He didn't think Tauriel would appreciate waking up next to him when she was already distraught enough as it was. He didn't have much in the way of furniture, just what he needed. he tried to keep it as different from the castle as possible, so the house only had two rooms, a bedroom and a main room/ kitchen. In the main room, he had two small chairs and a little table,a cupboard to hold a few dishes and pots, a fireplace to cook on, and a few candles and a fruit basket on the table. The bedroom held a large bed and a nightstand with a big candle for reading late at night. He didn't want anything more than that, and since it was only he who knew about the place, as long as he could hunt and get water by the stream, he didn't have to worry about impressing anybody or keeping up the strict ruler facade. No, this is where he could just be who he wanted, away from the public eye. It wasn't like he was going to ever have people over since the death of his wife, or so he had thought.

Upon entering the house, his eyes were immediately drawn to Tauriel, who appeared to have only been able to make it to the chair before the grief won. He saw the tears staining her face and her shoulders shaking. Silently he went over and rearranged the cloak around her before picking her up and carrying her to the bed. He made sure to take off her knives so she wouldn't hurt herself, before taking off her boots and putting them beside the bed. Drawing a sheet and a few blankets over her, he placed her knives on the nightstand and gave her once last glance before he exited the room, softly shutting the door behind him.


	3. Sanctuary

Walking to the chair Tauriel had just occupied, he took out a cloth and his daggers, setting them on the table. He lit a small fire in the fireplace before sitting back down to clean the blades. With each swipe of the cloth came a new worry.

Thranduil knew she would not be well for a long time. She had witnessed the whole town explode in flames, heard the cries of the dying. All the friends she might have had were probably dead. She most likely wished the same fate on herself, death had to be easier than this. She had also most likely suffered a few more burns or lacerations. He knew he should've checked, but his main concern had been getting her somewhere safe, and she had been in so much shock it would have probably done more harm. He feared now would be the only time she would rest for a very long time. 

Then there was a crash and screaming.  
Immediately rushing into the room, Thranduil was confronted with a horror scene.

Looking around the room, he saw the oil lamp had been thrown across the room, dripping oil and glass down the wall. The nightstand had been tipped over and one of her knives had been embedded in the other wall, right beside the door. Another quick scan of the room revealed her other knife to be just under the bed. The window that had been framed by leaf green curtains was now bare, the curtain in a heap on the floor. Night had fallen outside, leaving the room bathed in the moon's silvery glow. After about a half second of scanning the room, his eyes moved to the top of the bed. 

Atop the bed, there was a mass of writhing and tangled sheets, from which the screaming had come from. They were ensnarled around A struggling Tauriel, who was doing herself more harm than good, just getting herself more tangled. Having apparently worn out her voice there were only hoarse gasp coming from her now. Moving over to the bed, thranduil tried to assist in untangling the sheets. 

In trying to help her, he had to occasionally block his face from a flailing limb or a wayward punch. She was struggling more than when she had been alone, believing that she was under attack. He had tried telling her that it was him and that she was safe now, but she didn't hear him. Then he realized she was still asleep. She hadn't woken up screaming, she had just started screaming. 

Managing to at least pull all the cloth away from her face, he gathered her up into his arms and sat down on the bed, rocking slightly back and forth allowing her to kick and fight and scream with the least amount of damage to either of them. He wanted so badly to wake her up, but he knew that would do nothing good. She slowly started calming down, having exerted pretty much all her energy. Pretty soon she had fallen back into a regular sleep, curled in his arms. Thranduil looked down at her and smiled, before he too succumbed to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter! I may be late in updating the next chapter because I'll be super busy. I will try to update on time, but I can't promise anything.


	4. Regret and remember

Tauriel awoke to diffused sunlight warming her face and turning the insides of her eyelids pink. The small window let in a surprising amount of light for its size. It was a very unnaturally bright day, and it felt so wrong to her. It was winter and with the ever so recent war, it felt wrong to be able to enjoy sunshine when such dark times had happened only so short time ago, it should have been dark and gloomy, the earth should be mourning the lost, but instead it left them already forgotten. She hated it for that.

It just felt so wrong feeling... almost, well, happy. Or something resembling it. The sun was warm and the strong arms of the king were still wrapped around her waist, securing her tightly to his chest. They made her feel safe, as if the memories couldn't touch her there. As though maybe she could be something other than angry or scared. Valar knows how long she'd been wandering the broken lake town. Time seemed to pass so much faster for elves than men, and even to her it felt like she had been there for a lengthy amount. She didn't even remember what she'd done there. Had she slept? Or eaten? Or had she just wandered until she finally collapsed? She didn't know. How _did no one find me sooner? Or... did they not want to? Did anyone even look?_ A sudden pang of sadness filled her. Was she forgotten already?

she decided to put the thought out of her head. It didn't matter anyway. What did matter, was what she was going to do about this new relationship with the king. Because there a lot of glaringly obvious problems with it, least of all the fact that he was king. Tauriel mentally cataloged everything that could ever be a problem.

First of all, he WAS king, and she was simply a lowly silvan elf. He could never tarnish the royal bloodline with that of a silvan, she was lucky she had even gotten her job as captain. Most silvans could never even dream of a job like hers.  
Second, she WAS captain of the guard, and thus had to deliver her daily reports and such. She needed any relationships with the king to be professional. A romantic attachment would break that.  
Third, she would lose any and all the respect the members of the guard might have had for her. She had worked day and night to finally earn their trust, and then maybe some respect. Being female and on the guard was rare enough, being in a high position unheard of. It had taken so long to be taken seriously, and then to be listened to, and then respected. She was sure many had initially thought she got her position because of her friendship with Legolas.  
Which brought up another problem.  
A relationship with his father might destroy him. She knew Legolas definitely had feelings for her, and had for a long time. Decades or more. She didn't want to do anything that might divide them or their friendship that had been through so much, yet stayed stronger than words could describe. Despite not loving him romantically, she cared for Legolas deeply and would go to no end to stay close to him.

Tauriel decided she needed to do something, before her emotions got out of hand. Before she did something stupid.

_Like I haven't already..._

She decided it was time to do something. The guard needed her now more than ever and she had already spent a week or more mourning. It was her duty to put emotions aside and do what was best for the kingdom. She absolutely refused to let them down any more than she already had.

Softly removing Thranduil's arms from around her waist,she was careful not to wake him. He was a surprisingly heavy sleeper, and if he woke now there would be no escaping. Making her way through the mess she'd made last night, she collected her knives and belt before grabbing her boots. She strapped the belt around her hips and put her knives back in their sheaths and softly shut the bedroom door behind her.. If the king awoke now, there would be too many questions she wasn't ready to answer. She sat down in one of the chairs in the main room and bent down to lace her boots.  
_The sooner things got back to normal, the better._  She thought. Finished with her boots, she grabbed an apple from the table and headed out into the light.

 

The first thing she noticed was the dew on the grass, like a light dusting of sugar across one of the cakes they often served at the fancier feasts. The cool breeze was just enough to chill her, causing her to shiver. She silently cursed herself for not bringing something warmer. It would have been easy to snag one of his cloaks on the way out, however, she couldn't risk going back and waking him. She should have been better prepared, and now she was paying the price.

Walking to the stables, she contemplated where she would go. She had no idea where she was relative to the castle, and she knew how dangerous the forest could be. Just because it was safe here did not mean anywhere else was, or that here would even stay that way for long. Upon reaching the stables, she was both pleased and immensely relieved to find them unlocked. It would have been hard to break the lock without making a racket. She entered, grateful for the temporary warmth it provided, and went over to the horse and quickly calming it with a few words of elvish and the apple.

After doing a quick search for a saddle and finding nothing, she decided to just go bareback. She hoped the horse knew the way. Most did as long as they had gone a route a couple times before, so with all her hope clinging by a thread, she lead the horse outside and mounted. Whispering their destination in its ear, it instantly started trotting in what she hoped was the right direction. Now that they were moving, she could breathe a lot easier.

\-----

They had been riding for a couple hours, during which Tauriel reminisced on all that she had ever done as captain. All the prisoners and all the fun moments, as well as the bad. She had long ago lost the feeling in her hands and face and she prayed they would reach the castle soon. She reminded herself that this is why she had fought the war. Why she had killed so many. Because there was good in the world and it was worth defending.  
That was what she told herself.But why had she fought, really? Was it because of the good, or was she blindly following the orders and ideals of a twisted and sadistic king? She didn't know anymore what she had stood for, or tried to. Was it her own choice, or manipulation? Did she really believe a pile of meaningless metal and jewel worth all the sacrifice? Worth losing the friendships she'd had and all the people closest to her heart? Kili, Legolas, they were all gone. At least Legolas was still alive, or so she thought. 

Her smile slowly dissolved, but she strengthened it with another thought. _'Ill go back, and when I do, I will make sure the guard never has to ever suffer something like this again. I will make sure of it._

She continued riding, empowered by the thought, until another realization slammed into her. What if she got banished because she was running from her king? And then she remembered.  
_I've already been banished._  
Tears filled her eyes. _They probably already have a new captain. I've been gone for a week or more, they must have someone._  
She knew that had to be the case. She had not only been banished, but publicly so. No one could get her out of this one, not even Legolas.

 _Does anyone even know I'm alive? Does anyone care?_  
There was no point in going back, only to be turned away at the gate.  
With Tears stinging her eyes, she turned the horse around to the edge of the forest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, the updates should be on time from now on :)


	5. a flame in water

She started riding harder, the tears obscured her vision making everything blurry. She rode faster and faster as her emotions got more and more volatile. She was tearing blindly through the forest, not caring as branches whipped across her face, leaving even more cuts and bruises. She could hear the horse pant as it struggled to keep up the pace, a large feat for any animal. It suddenly jumped, jarring Tauriel and splashing water up her legs as they landed in the center of a small stream. It didn't matter to her. Nothing mattered. She had no family, no friends, no home, no job. The once proud and confident captain was now an empty shell, lost and wandering. There was nothing left for her here.

The horse slowed to a soft canter when it could no longer keep up the speed. White puffs of breath shot out of its nose as it breathed in the cold morning air. Soon it left the water and continued onto a worn path. Leaving the last line of trees, Tauriel realized they were on the same path the dwarves had taken into Mirkwood. She had walked this path many times on missions or just for the sake of doing it. It hurt to know it was a path she would probably never walk again. With great sorrow she turned from the path, forest and her home, and continued forward.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thranduil awoke peaceful and happy. The soft sunlight caressed his face with its gentle heat. He knew it was odd to feel so serene so soon after a battle, but it was impossible for him not to. He could hear the soft songs of the nearby birds, and the sun was so pure, unlike the harsh light that stabbed through the rest of the forest. It was so easy to forget, just for a minute, that anyone had died. That he had killed. That it could all have easily been prevented. It was almost easy to just forget completely. Almost, but he knew the fallen deserved more than that.

That was the reason he had brought Tauriel there. To give her some relief from her duties so she could mend herself, mentally and physically. So she wouldn't have to pretend to be okay just quite yet. He knew she would disguise her pain magnificently to best serve the guard, but he also knew that it wore you out on the inside, to always pretend. That's why he had made sure that along with the excellent healers of Mirkwood, that there were always counselors readily available to anyone, no matter class. He knew he had earned the reputation of the most cruel and heartless king in middle earth, and rightfully so, but this was one thing he liked to think that he had gotten right after his wife had died. He never used to be this cold. It just seemed like ever since her death he just couldn't do it anymore. He became too quick to judge, too angry and vengeful. Not the once benevolent king now, but the shadow that loomed over everyone. He abhorred it with all his heart, but it had been too long. He was too lost to even begin to try and make things right. He was truly amazed Tauriel, someone so passionate, would ever accept a job under his ruling. It had scared him when they hadn't been able to find her for a week after the battle. He had feared her dead or worse. Dying slowly of starvation or the weather while pinned beneath a caved in house or burned so badly she was unable to move. It had been by complete chance that he had found her in the town. Most everyone else had given up on her. He was lucky, he admitted, that he had found her mostly physically unharmed, and if he was being entirely  honest, he was lucky he had found her at all.

  _Speaking of her..._

He rolled over, only to find the other side of the bed empty. Bolting upright and scanning the room, he became alarmed when he could neither see nor hear her. Her knives and boots were also gone, adding to his rising panic. He pushed himself off the bed and rushed outside.

   The air was crisp and fresh. The beautiful day that had seemed so perfect was now at odds with his fear. He fervently hoped she had brought with her something warm to wear. Even elves could easily get ambushed by the elements were they not careful. He tried to remember what she had been wearing, and failed miserably. _All the more reason to find her,_  he thought grimly.

A quick scan of the surrounding area revealed to him a pair tracks leading in and out of the barn. Elven footprints going in, hoof prints going out and through the trees. Not bothering to go and change into better traveling attire, he quickly set upon tracking them. Who knew how long she had been riding or how far away she was now.  _Where could she have gone?_

Looking at the direction of the prints again, he realized they led straight to the path towards the castle.  
_That would make sense._  He knew she probably wanted to get back to doing something, anything to get back to normal. She had probably forgotten about her banishment almost as soon as she had entered the battle. It was indescribable the amount of guilt and shame he bore knowing that it was he who had ordered it. He would never be able to make it up to her, but he vowed he would do anything in his power to try. With that thought in mind he ran through the forest towards the castle.

 

Thranduil followed the trail for as long as he could before it disappeared over a stream. He was fool to think she wouldn't cover her tracks. Distraught as she was, she was still captain and one of the best anyone had ever known, and that was one of the most basic things they taught to every guard member. It was a good thing he knew she had gone back to the castle, otherwise he mightn't have found her for a very long time.

Upon reaching the gates to the kingdom, he dismissed the guards before setting off to find Legolas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! anything I could've done better? Anything you liked? What would you like to see happen in future chapters?


	6. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait!! I know I said I'd update every Thursday, but between school and trips and post Canada games stuff I've been terribly busy. I hope you like this chapter at least.

It took a full twenty minutes of searching ere he found him. He had been on the archery range, firing arrow after arrow into the wooden targets. Of course, every shot hit dead centre. Thranduil waited until he had fired his last round to make his presence known.

"Legolas?"  
Legolas whipped around, startled that he had not heard him approaching. Once his eyes alighted upon his fathers lithe form, his eyes widened and a huge grin spread across his face.  
"Ada!"

He ran and embraced his father. He felt ten times better knowing his father was back safely from wherever he'd gone and that he might take over the castle again. Legolas knew he was fully capable of doing it himself, but it was absolutely exhausting, making sure there were no quarrels, food and drink supplies were well, the infirmary had all it needed, especially after the battle...  
His father had only been from the castle four days after planning his departure for almost two weeks, but a lot can happen in that time as Legolas had discovered.

Thranduil let the contact go on for a few more moments before slowly pulling away. He took a second to look Legolas over before he asked his questions. He wanted to make sure he was truly well.

"I trust you have a full report for me?" Legolas straightened. "Of course."

Thranduil gave his answer with light in his eyes and a smile on his lips. How good it was to be home. "Then please, proceed before my hair goes gray!" Legolas smiled. It was a rarity when his father smiled, let alone joked. He almost wondered where the jovial attitude had come from, but it was so rare that to question it would ruin what would be the only warm moment in what would most likely be a very long time.

"At once sir!" He gave a mock salute before giving the report.

"Food stock are a little low but survivable, with a small portion going to the remaining lake-town persons, as thanks and to help them through the winter. We also sent a selection of extra cloaks and other clothing. The dwarves have appeared to have moved into the mountain quite successfully." _I don't care about those filthy  vermin. They can rot for all I care,_ Thranduil mentally interjected.  Legolas continued."The remaining orcs were hunted down by the remaining uninjured members of the guard." At this his voice turned grim.  
"There are hundreds in the infirmary and over five thousand dead, and they are still trying to calculate the missing, but estimates are at well over a thousand, possibly more."

They shared a moment of silence for their fallen kin.

 _Over five thousand dead..._  five thousand that would never feel the kiss of the sun or the beauty of the stars and moon. Never again would they dance at their festivals or hug a loved one. five thousand more who would never walk these halls again.

Thranduil's face hardened into his usual mask of uncaring when he saw Legolas still watching him.  
"Very good," he said. "Those are reasonable numbers." What he didn't add was that those were not good numbers, losing over half his soldiers and how each loss was like another blow. Despite what others said and his obvious façade of the aloof ruler, thranduil cared deeply about each and every one of his subjects. It didn't matter how many wars he'd fought, he still felt keenly the losses. He wasn't even really certain why he did pretend to be callous and distant, but he had been doing it for so long that that was all that was left of him. All that was expected of him.

 

Legolas stared awhile but didn't make comment. He thought he'd seen something equal to remorse in his gaze, but apparently not. Legolas hated how he always hid behind false emotions. He had tried so hard for so many years to convince him that he was allowed to show emotion, that he was allowed to care. It had been all so tragically stereotypical. Legolas still remembered when his mother was alive, how Thranduil's eyes were alight with merriment, and the constant feasts and parties. He remembered how his father had been kind and just, never so cold and calculating, always afraid as if everything would suddenly be taken from him, but when his mother had sailed so had a part of his father, leaving a shadow in its place. He didn't want to give up on him, no, that was the last thing he wanted to do, but there was little choice left. He couldn't help someone who refused to help themselves.

 

Thranduil interrupted his thought with a light cough. "Where is Tauriel? for I have urgent matters to discuss with her." Legolas snapped out of his reverie with a jolt. "I haven't seen her since after the battle. I assumed she had been with you. Has she gone missing?"

"It appears so," thranduil replied, his mind a torrent of confusion and chaos. Where could she have gone?... " I want you to continue being in charge until I locate our missing captain." Legolas' protests began almost immediately.  
"What if you got hurt? Or her? We don't even know where she is, you can't just charge to some unknown destination! Just let me go instead, I know her better, and she will surely listen to me-"

"No!" Thranduil silenced his remaining argument with a hard look. "I will search for her, end of discussion." Seeing the look on his face, he paused. "You will obey me, Legolas." Legolas cast his eyes to the floor. "Yes Ada." Thranduil stared at him for a moment. When had Legolas become so, almost... Sad? _Where is the elf that would question every command, who had been so quick to protect not only his opinions and values, but the ones of those around him too? When had I lost my son? Who is it that stands before me now? When had I let him slip away into a world of loss?_ Thranduil did not know.

On impulse he asked Legolas another question. "What is there between you and tauriel?" This caught him off guard. "W-what?"  
Growing more insistent, he repeated his question. "What is there between you and tauriel? Do you love her?" Legolas looked quickly up and then back down. He had hoped to avoid this discussion. "Yes," he admitted slowly. "I do. Very much."

Thranduil continued the needless taunting. "But maybe she feels differently?"

Legolas was now angrier than he had ever been. How dare he pry into his personal life and then say such things! He knew already that she did not share his affections. He knew that! His father had no right to taunt him or demean his feelings! Before he totally lost it and started yelling and making rash decisions, he reasoned that he should at least know why his father was behaving in such a manner.  
"How do you know she does not?" He asked through gritted teeth.  
"Because she has told me." And Legolas knew exactly the moment his father referred to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it! I've decided to finish writing some more chapters before I start posting again, so I plan on posting the next chapter at the end of may. Sorry I don't post very often, but thanks for not giving up on me! if there's anything you want in following chapters, now's the time to ask! Your comments and kudos mean the world to me!
> 
> -Edit from the future: so the numbers of dead and such I was entirely off with. The army of Mirkwood was around 10 000, the missing/dead/who knows was in around 6000. Yay for the power of editing!-


	7. fractured relations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this chapter, to be honest. It feels a bit rushed :\ if you have any constructive criticism I'd love to hear it.

~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~ 

Standing behind one of the pillars in the throne room, legolas stared out over the walkway onto the lit paths and river below. His heart was racing as he tried to gather his courage to tell his father of his intent to start courting Tauriel. He knew his father greatly disapproved of even their friendship, so he was preparing for the worst. It had never once crossed his mind that she might refuse him, even with her fascination for that brown-haired dwarf. He was certain that it was just a passing interest in dwarven oddities, and not anything more. surely their constant companionship was worth for more than anything he could offer, wasn't it? He slowly lost himself to thought and forgot about his father, only a few feet from where he stood. 

 

"I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?" Legolas jerked and mentally cursed as his fathers voice issued from behind him and pulled him from his thoughts. He turned around and was just about to reveal himself when Tauriel spoke from somewhere to his left. "I was coming to report to you." He watched her walk down the steps to face his father. 

Letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, he crouched down behind his pillar. He knew he should come out and leave now before it became impossible for him to do so, but he felt rooted to his spot as they continued talking. 

"I thought I ordered that nest be destroyed not two moons ago." Legolas winced. The guard had done their best, but there were just too many for them to be gone for too long. 

"We cleared the forest as ordered my lord, but more spiders keep coming up from the south." She got more excited as she explained a course of action. "They are spawning in the ruins of Dol Guldur, if we could just kill them at their source-" thranduil cut her off. "That fortress lies beyond our borders; keep our land clear of those foul creatures, that is your task." His tone left no room for discussion. Legolas would have given up right then and there, but Tauriel was as stubborn and insistent as ever. Her growing frustration with the constant denials to do anything other than wait and kill whatever encroached into their forest only fuelled her argument. 

"But if we drive them off, what then? Will they not spread to other lands?" Legolas knew this was the wrong approach to take, and silently willed her to give up now.  
"Other lands are not my concern. The fortunes of the world will rise and fall, but here in this Kingdom, we will endure." Thranduil stared at tauriel until she bowed her head and turned to leave. 

Legolas was immediately relieved that she had dropped it for now, although he could tell that in no way was she finished. She would keep it up until she got her way, for she had not become captain of the guard by being passive. It was one of the things he loved best about her, next to her fiery passion and her capacity to care about even the smallest of beings. Whereas someone in her place might only care about their set tasks, she took it upon herself to try and use her power to help those outside the realm as well.  
Just as Legolas was straightening up, Thranduils voice caused he and Tauriel both to pause. 

"Legolas said you fought well today." His father paused and a dead weight settled in his stomach. "He has grown very fond of you."

"I assure you my Lord, Legolas thinks of me as no more than captain of the guard."  
Legolas knew he shouldn't be listening, but there was no way to leave without making his presence known.  
"Maybe he did once, but now I'm not so sure."  
'so he already knows?' Legolas was extremely surprised and a little angry. Why couldn't he have made his affections a little less obvious? He looked to see Tauriel slowly plan out her next sentence. "I do not think you would allow your son to pledge himself to a lowly silvan elf." Thranduil was quick to answer, his voice falsely light and amiable. "No, you're right, I would not." He paused. "Still, he cares about you, do not give him hope where there is none." 

'I need to get out of here' with tears stinging his eyes he pushed himself up and ran silently from the room, not caring if he caught him. A knife twisted its way into his heart as her ran blindly down one of the many paths leading to the outside forests. 

~~~~~~~~end flashback~~~~~~~~

 

"If you didn't notice, Ada, I was in that room the entire time. I know exactly what she said, and never was it that she did not love me." The words were venom on his tongue that he spit at his father. This was far out of bounds, even for him. " I was aware that you were there, although I am certain she was oblivious." Thranduil mused. "But alas, that was indeed not the memory I was referring to, but another than the one you remember so clearly." His tone was light, as if this was all just a game to him. 

"Then enlighten me," he issued coldly. "When exactly did she tell you? And would she say the same if she were present?" He knew he was treading on thin ice, but he could not have cared less. It was not within his fathers rights, even as king, to be meddling as he was. 

Thranduil scoffed. "It is of little importance."  
"Really? Because I think it matters a great deal, and if you will not tell me," he he stopped and looked him in the eyes. "If you will not tell me, I will just have to ask her myself." Legolas pushed past his father and left. 

'What a mess I've made now...' Thranduil rubbed the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. He had lied to his son, driven him entirely away, in fact, all over her? Was she really that important to him, to lose the loyalty and love of his son? It was a redundant question, for he knew the answer, though how much he did not like it. How had he let her get this far under his skin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I'd update at the end of May and now it's almost the end of June and I am so sorry!!!! I can't even say when the next chapter will be out :( I'll try to post it way sooner than I did this one, but I just don't know. Feel free to leave comments and kudos, or any ideas you might have. 
> 
> As usual I still don't own any of the characters or places.


	8. A quest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry that I took this long updating!! I never meant to let it go this long, and I don't really have any excuse except that I've basically lost all will to do anything anymore, ya feel? Thanks for the comments and support, I probably wouldn't update at all otherwise... anyway, hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Legolas stormed through the beautiful halls of the castle, muttering loudly to himself as passed the multiple ornate doors that lined the way to his personal chambers. How dare his father try and keep the two of them apart! His pace quickened with every new thought that came into his head. Various servants and other elves were quick to get out his way and offer a small bow in case they should be run over or his wrath taken out on them. Although Legolas would never lash out at those that did not cause or deserve his anger, his father's rage was well known and caused many of the elves to regard Legolas with the same wariness. He tried to distance himself as much as he could from the image his father upheld, but today he was glad for it as no one had tried stopping him or gotten in his way. Usually he would acknowledge them with a smile or an exchange of words, but he was too busy fuming to notice many of them, much less start a conversation. 

Still muttering and walking at the pace of someone who was on fire, he was angered further when he realized he had missed his room completely and had to backtrack past more of the maids that hurried out of his way carrying baskets of herbs or linens, and who still managed an elegant bow despite the awkward size of the baskets and more than a couple questioning looks.  _What an example I'm making,_ he though with a slight shake of his head and more cursing.  _At least I haven't killed anything yet._ That was probably better than what his father would do. It was a poor standard and he knew it, but still it had to count for something. as he contemplated the scene he was probably making, he at last came to his room and flung open the door with more force than necessary, stalking inside. 

Having been startled by the slam of the door, Legolas's personal servant and closest friend outside the guard straightened up from the pile of linens he was folding and lowered himself back down into a half-bow before the prince. "Is there anything you require, my lord?" Legolas had told him several times that formalities were not needed when they were in his private rooms, but he had refused to abandon the practice. He was always met with a " what would the king think if he were to find that we speak as equals?" earning him an eye roll and a light punch to the shoulder. he knew what Legolas thought of his father's ideals, but that didn't stop him from religiously adhering to them either. 

" I require nothing mellon, you may be dismissed." He stood up with a nod and left quickly, softly shutting the door behind him. He knew when it was better to just leave Legolas to his problems and when he should stick around. This was not one of those times. Legolas quickly shed his training arrows and daggers in favor of a quiver of newly sharpened ones and a set of knives, tossing the other quiver under the plush bed in the middle of the room. He briefly debated changing clothing as well, but the he deemed the ones he was wearing to be good enough, made of fur, leather, and canvas for warmth and durability.  _They were made to be abused during training anyway,_ he reasoned. There was no reason they shouldn't be able to withstand what he hoped would be a short journey, although logically he knew it could be several weeks depending on how often she moved and how well she covered her track. Being the former captain of the guard, she could do that rather well, even by elven standards. Patting down his various pockets he made sure he had everything he needed, opting at the last minute to bring some fire starters, a small kit filled with rolls of bandages and such, a torch, and a small amount of gold. It could always be used to buy supplies from a town that hadn't been destroyed or used to gain information. Stuffing all this into a bag with an extra cloak he swiftly turned out the door and made his way to the lesser known pathways out of the kingdom. The less that saw him, the less rumors and chance of getting caught, which was exactly what he needed. Coming to the edge of one of the walkways, he leaned against the intricately carved railing and looked down at the elves coming and going below. There were  very few out besides the servants attending their daily tasks, which made his job infinitely easier. No one needed to see their prince running across the kingdom like someone gone half-mad. Gathering up his resolve one last time, he started at a light sprint across the bridge of sorts to the courtyard outside.  

slowing down the last few feet, he was dismayed to hear the loud, boisterous slur of someone who has had too much to drink, slowly getting louder as whoever it was neared where the prince was stopped and listening intently. It was probably one of the guards, as it was no secret that it was a favored pastime of theirs to see how much wine could be consumed in a small amount of time, either after or even during their watch duties. Cursing, Legolas ran and crouched down behind a medium sized hedge as the two guards in question rounded the corner, carrying on and laughing at each other. He briefly mused at how he had been reduced to sneaking around his own kingdom like a fugitive, and it struck him as a very Tauriel thing to do. He would have laughed would that not have given him away and if he had not been so angry and worried for her. To his relief, the guards did not notice him in their drunkenness and quickly their voices faded to mix with the groan of the wind through the trees. He made a short thanks to the Valar that they had missed him, because that would mean questions and he did not come this far to be stopped by some foolish drunks. Standing up from his hiding place he took off racing into the relative safety of the trees.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short and super disappointing, but I couldn't do anything else right now :\ I've just completely lost it. I want to keep updating, because I really enjoy this fic and because it is my first one and I'd like to finish something that I start. If anyone did notice, I had a chapter 9 up, but upon rereading it a couple times I just didn't like it. There was too much ooc drama on Tauriel's part and it was just a mess. I will rewrite a chapter 9 though, and it shall be glorious!!!! (When it gets written...)


	9. Running

Tauriel continued away from her lifelong home, but towards what she did not know. She could go west to to the elves there, but she didn’t feel inclined to spend time in the suddenly suffocating company of her own kind. Doubtless there would be many questions and naturally they would offer her any help she needed, but what that was she wasn’t sure. She wanted company and at the same time the thought of having to interact and pretend that she was really entirely present made her recoil. She knew it was unwise to go off on her own, but she couldn’t bear the concern, or scorn when they found out how she was cast out, if she were to go to them.  No, it was better to work things out on her own, where she could take her time and be as distant as she wanted.

     She thought of any towns near Laketown that she might go, but anything close to it would have heard of the battle by now, and she didn’t want to have to listen to the story recounted by those who had no right to defile it as such. She also couldn’t go anywhere Mirkwood had trade for fear of being recognized, and word would fly there once trade was stopped. They also knew what elves looked like, and it would raise too many questions as to why she wasn’t with her own anymore. Thus, it seemed the only direction she could go other than to Mordor was north-west, to Bree. It was small and far away, meaning word might not get there for many seasons. It was true that it was a place that many traveled through, but not the sort that would know about the battle. There was also little chance of her being recognized, and as long as she took proper precaution she might pass as being of the race of man as well, which was a bonus. It had little trade and housing and work could be found there, though they might be less than savory in some parts. It would be quaint and entirely unlike what she was used to, but she could lie low for a bit until she was forgotten. She doubted that anyone cared enough to look for her anyway, disgraced as she was.  The only downside was that she had little provisions, and it would be a long journey with little shelter if she was to avoid starting rumours of an elf travelling solo north. That would leave her without a horse eventually, lest she ride this one to death. The horses of Mirkwood were good, but they were animals still. Nothing was meant to be ridden for the month that it would take her to travel there. The only struggle would be avoiding Rivendell, which would take a couple days travel to go around, but going through was out of the question. To Bree it was then.

Deciding her course, Tauriel stopped long enough to assess what little inventory she had.  _ Two knives, a horse, and the clothes I’m wearing. It is summer, but the nights will still get cold.   _ The clothing wasn’t enough, and she knew it, but there was nothing she could do about it now except push on as fast as she could.  _ I’m a member- former member, of the guard. I was trained for this.  _ She gathered her resolved and re-mounted her horse, turning towards the path that would lead them quickest out of the forest and onto the road towards Bree, ignoring the slow sinking feeling in her chest and the slow tears down her pallid face that fell with each step that bore her farther away from her friends and home. Ignoring the screaming of the dying as she turned her back on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this is very short. Sorry! You will be pleased to know that I think I know what I want to do now, so maybe it won't be almost a year in between chapters. I do hope you all are still reading, and that while short, this chapters keeps up the interest for you all. If there is anything you would like to see in this fic or in a new one, I am always taking suggestions. Anyways, much love and I hope you enjoy!


End file.
